Werewolf’s recipe for fruitbat stew

In a parallel world and a parallel life, I’m a shapeshifter who turns into a werewolf during full moons, during which I retire into a cave and hunt baby panda bears, fruit bats, and other delectables in bamboo forests.

Into this parallel world I retreat now, but decide to forego my prowl. My favorite bamboo forest is so far away anyway. I don’t think my hunt will be successful tonight. Instead, I’ll just get a great fire going in my cave hearth, make myself some nice and thick fruitbat stew, and be friendly to visitors who want to admire my kitchen. I’ve been meaning to post the recipe here. This seems a good time to do exactly that.

Werewolf notice

So no ranting and growling and howling at the moon tonight, folks. No crying and sobbing for lost loves and past pains. For once, just clean home-grown fun. Here it is — my werewolf recipe for fruitbat stew.

1. Trap 5 adult, medium-sized fruit bats of any Pteropus species. Usually found in dipterocarp and mangrove forests and adjacent caves. Keep them alive and tightly wrapped in a gunny sack until ready to cook.

2. Bring to camp. Build great fire. Prepare condiments.

3. Fill cauldron with 3 litres of river water, add a handful of salt, crushed black pepper, sliced onions, and crushed ginger root. Bring to a boil.

4. Meanwhile, pull out a bat from the sack, hold firmly by the wings (because it will struggle to scurry and fly away).

5. Smash head solidly against a sharp rock to kill it.

6. Chop into four pieces — head, body, left wing, and right wing.

7. Do the same procedure for all 5 bats.

(Note: No washing or cleaning needed. Fruit bat blood and urine-soaked fur are clean and give off a distinctly pleasant aroma when cooked. Optionally, you could singe each bat over open fire for about 30 seconds to burn off the hair and impart a slightly roasted taste.)

8. Optional: 1 medium pc peeled papaya fruit, or 3 pcs chayote fruit. Chop into 2×2 inch cubes.

9. Put the chopped bat meat (and optionally, the cubed vegetables) into the boiling water.

10. Simmer over low fire for 30 minutes. Bat meat is cooked if skin on wings start to tear off easily from bones.

Best served piping hot with boiled rice, banana, taro root or sweet potato. Good for 5 servings.

Yummy. The wings are my favorite. Come on, join my sumptuous meal. I love having friends for dinner…lol.

Rrrrowwwlllhhhnggrrr! #

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